Nashville.

A city of dreams, and yet, the one thing i want

is you right by my side tonight as i walk down this road..

sweet blog. simple and to the point. i'm in nashville for the weekend, visiting a good friend of mine. yesterday, i went out on Broadway St all night long and although there were people everywhere, of many nationalities, and from many places, the only thing i wanted was you.

as always,

sayitevan

a thing called love.

(click the link to listen to what i was listening to whilst writing this blog)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27x1sNaSD9s

life.

you know, that's a crazy word. life. i mean, it's something that we go through everyday. we wake up in the morning, and so begins a new day…to be honest with you, i haven't really thought much about "life." where i'll be in the next two years is a mystery to even myself. i can't believe how fast i've grown up. i swear just yesterday i was waking up every morning in the 4th watching Pokemon on the television and the only worries i had was whether i was going to get to go outside to play before my mom got home and checked my report cards. worry. that's another interesting word, as well. it's a word that i know very well. i have two girls that can vouch for that. it's not that i'm "over worried," more along the lines of being scared. i mean, being single and alone just isn't for me. i'm a musician. a writer. a lover. being single just seems so boring and dull. well, that's how i used to think.

i met paige back in 2008. wow. that seems just like yesterday in all reality. i remember the first time i saw her. i was leading worship at a church and she came in, late might i add, and grabbed a chair in the middle aisle. i can see it now. she's got on a pair of jeans and this long sleeved high school t shirt. when she walked in, it was as if everything in the room just stopped. like as if nothing mattered at the time. she sat down and smiled at me, and wouldn't you know it, i forgot the chords to the song and looked like an idiot. then later that night we went to a friends house and made a cake. haha i'm not gonna lie, i did some pretty cheesy things that night to get her to laugh. wanna know the best part? i had just gotten out of a relationship with brielle at the time and she was still with her boyfriend. yep. i was gonna be a homewrecker, in a sense. i knew that day that i had to have her; i just wasn't sure when.

i cannot stress this enough.

she makes me happier than i've ever been in life.

so, now that it's january 11th, 2011, i can honestly tell you i've been with my best friend for a year and some odd weeks. she's taught me a lot these past couple of months. i used to always "worry" about our future. whether we'd be together, or what she was doing. it's crazy to think that this little girl has become my life. she'll be heading off to college in august, and the one thing she keeps repeating is that "if God wants us to be together, we will be…" it's a whole different ball game when you pull the "God" card. but honestly, isn't that why we're here? to love a loving God who first loved us..? i'll be honest. i haven't been the best boyfriend for paige. there's been multiple nights where i've lost my temper and said things i shouldn't have…there's been nights where i've made her cry, and there's been nights when i haven't even called her goodnight. yeah, i'm a jerk right? i'll admit it. there's nothing in the world that i'll agree to than that. i'm not perfect. i don't try to be, but with her, it just comes natural…

i love her. i honestly do. with all of my heart, i love you, paige. i know she'll be reading this because this is becoming her new hobby. speaking of which, it's funny how the things she likes, which were once the things that i hated, i've grown to love. like clark shoes, country music, and a whole bunch of other stuff. she makes fun of my southern accent quite regularly, and i'm goin to start speaking like a northern person soon so she'll have a legit reason to make fun of me because i DO NOT sound southern. well, maybe. but i don't see it. what was i talkin about again? oh yeah! my girlfriend :)

love with her is more than just an emotional tie.

it's life.

you know when you get those butterflies in your stomach when you see someone? well i get like moths. in a cute way. it's as if nothing in the world matters when i'm with her. it's as if God's saying, "hey, have a break from life. i've got the rest situated out…" it's moments when we're lying on the couch and her beautiful head is resting on my chest. sometimes when she's asleep, i lean down to kiss her on the forehead and run my fingers down her face. i can imagine this story has been played out before in history. when people stand before famous paintings, just trying to grasp an inch of memory from what they've just seen. a masterpiece, a work of art created and sculpted by one of the most talented men, or women, of the time. it's that last breath of air you take that you wish would last all night. it's the thought that you're trying to comprehend in your mind. it's love.

i'm nearing the end of my blog. it'll be a moment when i close my mac, and lie on the bed listening to music, looking up at the ceiling, wondering what she's doing. i love her. with all of my heart. i'd give anything to lie beside her at night. it's those cold winter nights when she's holding onto me while we walk outside. it's those warm summer nights when she's holding my hand. it's those times when i feel like i can do anything. she's taught me more than anyone else ever has. it's crazy to think that she loves me. i'm such a screw up, most times; more than often. but yet she loves me the same…i'm a dork. just ask her. i promise you that she'll agree. but i can't help but smile as i write every word of this. knowing that this weekend, i'll get to go fall more in love with the girl i'm writing about. i get to go out to a movie and out to dinner and then come home and bake a cake or cupcakes, whichever she's in the mood for, and just look in her eyes and realize even more what love is. i love her with all of my heart and i wouldn't trade her for the world.

i'd give anything in the world for her to realize

that every waking moment

i fall more and more in love with her

as always,

sayitevan

New Life As Of Now

honestly.

i honestly cannot remember the last time i update this thing. wow. just lookin back at my posts from two years ago, and it just blows my mind how much has actually changed. most of my focus was on brielle at the time; the distance wasn't fair. i remember nights staying up till 2am just sittin there wonderin what the future would hold and countin down the days till i came back to her. well, i came home. she was there. and now, 2 years later, i find myself hundreds of miles away from her. it kills me to know all the time i spent puttin into that relationship and to find myself where i am now. hey, i'm gettin to the point. just hold on!

see that girl up to the right corner? yeah, that's my best friend :) she told me the other day that she had started a blog, and comin back to this site brings back a bunch of old memories, but i know with her by my side, anything's possible..

"i'll take off my halo if you take off your wings..."

here's to a new beginning.

a new way of life.

a new way of thinking.

here's to a new love and a new life.

sayitevan

I miss my best friend..

I miss my best friend…
(i've learned that listening to music while reading brings out the "emotion" of each sentence...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6qcPNdg3G8

Throughout one’s life time, friends come and go and new ones are made and old ones are gone. We tend to place ourselves out there, in a sense that we, as humans, want acceptance. Don’t believe me? If you have MySpace/Facebook/Bebo/ or whatever, you use that to meet and talk to other people. Acceptance. And if you don’t have either of those, try texting. I’ve heard it said that the main reason people have text is because at the time that they feel lonely because no one is talking to them, they use text to have someone think about them.

It’s just in our blood to be accepted. And if you DON’T want to, it’s because you do. Ironic right? We put ourselves away so that we can be found. But what does all of this have to do with me missing my best friend? Everything. I know these blogs tend to be centered around one person, and rightly so they are. She taught what it meant to live and to love. I can remember the day we first met and how she just caught me with that smile. (For those of you who don’t know, smiles mean everything to me.) And honestly had one that would brighten up the darkest room. I can remember one night when we were playing at a restaurant called Bops. I remember not caring about all the people that were there and only wanting her. We played for about 10 minutes and she didn’t show up. I was honestly freaking out because her favorite song at the time was The Great Escape by BoyslikeGirls and we were going to play that. Well, 30 minutes later, but well on time, she came. We had already played the song once but I begged the guys to play it again, and we did, and she smiled, and I fell in love with her.

Love is a funny thing sometimes. Do we want “love” to feel accepted or “love” to feel complete? They both sound quite amazing to be and to be honest, I’d like to say we want “love” for both. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I’ve noticed that I’m staying up much later than I have before and also finding myself doing things I’ve hardly ever done. I started writing poetry and honestly, I enjoy doing that more than I like writing songs. It’s just when you write poems, you’re free to do whatever. You’re not set to a time signature or a pitch. It’s just you and your thoughts, along with a sheet of paper and a pen.

I’ve honestly missed my best friend. “Miss” is the word fit to describe what I’ve been going through. I have counted days and months, trying to figure out if I could beat time and turn May into tomorrow. Guys, I can’t sleep, I can’t write, I can’t do a lot of what I used to do. And it’s not that I “want” to feel these things but that it’s just all happening at once. I won’t be there for her prom, along with Winter Semiformal and Valentine’s Day. I’ve given up a lot to be here but I’ve been learning everyday that I need this Strength that I’ve never honestly had to use before. Guys, I miss Brielle more than words can describe, but I’ve come to learn that God has me here for a reason and that reason is to serve. I’m not going to blackmail God and say “well I moved to England to do Your work, so can I have her in return?” No, because that would totallyy ruin every last second I’ve been here. God gives us the desires of our hearts and right now, mines very much NOT in tact.

I’d like to think that when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll be in my bed back home in Mississippi hearing my alarm clock go off and wishing my bed wasn’t facing the window because the sun always sucks when you’re trying to sleep in. I’d like to think that I’ll wake up to “Good morning my Evan! I hope you have a good day today! I love you!” I lived for those messages. Like waking up was ACTUALLY fun because I knew that almost every morning, she would have already woken up and thought about me while she was getting ready. That was just what she did. When I was having a horrible day, I knew I could always talk to Brielle. If life wasn’t going in order, Brielle. It’s just that guys, she was honestly my best friend. And now that I’m 13,000,000 miles away from home, I’m finally realizing what she was to me.
Don’t ever ever ever EVER take for granted those who love you. You may THINK that you would want to be with someone else, but WHY START OVER? They love you just as you are and you’re wanting to be with someone else? Guys, that’s idiot. That’s just NOT smart. And don’t let others say “oh, you’re young, it’s not love.” Yes. Yes IT IS. It’s love and you feel it just as much as anyone else has and you know you’re heart.

I like sharing my Faith with you when you ask. It’s honestly amazing. I like sharing about these blogs and how even though I’m feeling lonely and sad, I can look to God for help and reassurance on why I’m here. I don’t know really what else to say. I know she’ll probably never read this but if you are, I miss you Brielle. More than words can ever describe. I miss the way you’d wait all day for me to get home to just hear my voice before you went to bed. I miss your texts every morning and I miss the way you were just you around me and how you’d smile when I would play you my songs. You know that EVERY song on my MySpace is about you and you know that I’ve only loved one girl in my life. I may be miles away from you, an ocean apart, but my love for you is only closer to me every day. I can’t wait to see you when I get home!

evan :)

Choosing Which Way

Choosing which way

Have there honestly ever been a time when you didn’t know “what” to do? Like it seemed like you had everything planned out, down to the very “t” and then, everything blew up right in front of you? I mean, you tried soo hard for soo long to make something what it is and then in the blink of an eye, or a night, it’s gone. Literally, every single day you spent creating this master piece and within thirty minutes, can totally be destroyed. So what’s the point of this blog? Ha. You’re not alone…
Here’s my story. I met my best friend in the whole wide world on December 5th, 2007. I spent exactly 11 months with her and can honestly look back and say without her, I really don’t know who I’d be today. If you would have seen me about that time, I had MAJOR puffy hair and I always always always wore shirts that were wayy too tight on me and vans and converses everyday. To some people, that’s amazing. But I was just trying to live this life that was “fit” with the music scene.
I gave many countless hours to her. Not only when I was with her but nights on the phone and goodness, I don’t know HOW many texts I sent her. BUT getting back to my point. We broke up on November 13th, 2008. ALMOST made it to a year but dumb butt here had to think he could be with someone else. BIG mistake. It didn’t work. From my previous blog earlier, I talked about the “goody” bag thing. And after I let her go, well, I got my goody bad and it sucked. Like horribly. I found myself crying myself to sleep every night for 3 weeks straight. I couldn’t even click on her Facebook without freaking out about what I could “possibly” see. I mean, would another guy have written on her wall? Had someone already asked her out on a date? And all these thoughts were racing through my mind and I didn’t know HOW to handle it.
Soo long story short, I’m at a fork in the road where I DON’T know what to do. It seems like I’ve got a lot riding in two different ways but I’ve got to believe my better judgment on this. I’m amazed by some of the stories yall are telling me. There’s a girl in MI that asked me about what I didn’t know. And this is it. I DON’T know WHAT to do but I’m learning that I learn a little more everyday.
Maybe it WOULD be best to move on. I mean, I’m a single 19 year old guy that writes cheesy love songs for a living. I’m pretty sure there’s some cutee university girl out there with straight blonde hair, curly when she’s going out, and honestly willing to start over new as well. But you can never leave your first love. They say that the average human falls in love four times in their lives. FOUR times. If I had to go through what I’ve gone through in November FOUR times, I would die. Like literally. I couldn’t. I don’t know WHAT I’d do to be honest. But what’s your opinion? Stay with what I know best or try something different? What’s your input on this? Email me on myspace. Oh yeah! If you guys have topics you want me to write about, please please please email me and I’ll write about each one.
I heart you guys!

evan :)

YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE.

(click the url before reading. music always makes me read things differently as i read..)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A167S2Sxreo

It’s the one thing I’ve feared the most in my life. Being alone. I honestly HATE HATE HATE being alone but if it’s one thing I’ve learned while I’ve been in England, it’s that I need to prepare myself for being alone for a while. I honestly had the girl of my dreams in my hands and I let her go for dreams unseen. I know that sounds horrible in every aspect available, but I did. It’s something that I don’t suggest doing. If someone loves you and truly loves you, don’t trade them away. What you think “may” be better, actually isn’t. it’s one of those times where you just have to trust yourself that what you’re comfortable in may be, at that time, the best choice.

I’ve had a lot of time to think while I’ve been in England. I’m no good when I have time to think. If you’re like me, I think of the worst possible out comes in every way. I think of the door that’s closed when I have two opened right in front of me. It’s life honestly. And it’s only at night time that I’m at my worst. I always have to have something occupying me because if I’m left to ponder my thoughts, I end up writing about a million of blogs a day. And I’m serious about this guys, write your thoughts down. It’s not healthy to keep these emotions bottled up, and if someone reads them, it helps them relate to THEIR problem and then the both of you can become happy together and know that you’re NOT THE ONLY ONE.

I get about roughly 15 emails a day on MySpace about stories from people just like me and their stories about love that was lost and love that was found. I met someone today because of her status of FaceBook and again, learned that I wasn’t the only one. Her status read “I don’t want a boyfriend,” and what she said should honestly be everyone’s cry. I don’t think we should spend our lives searching for someone to be with. If we do, we miss the peace and serenity of the world around us. We miss times with friends; and “friendships” on that note. When I first dated Brielle, life was at its’ greatest. We both had really good friends and even best friends but once we started focusing all of our time on each other, we began to lose those friendships. Let my main point about this paragraph be TO ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR FRIENDS WHILE YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. I’ve seen 8 years of friendship be ruined over a relationship.

And guys, I’m not perfect. Please hear my heart on this. I appreciate the comments and emails I get on MySpace saying how I’m not the average guy and how other guys should be like me. That really does make me smile, but that’s not why I’m here. I’m here to help you. Each of you. I don’t want to be a musician with really good songs and then three years later, no one remembers. I want to be remembered at that guy who cared, because I do. I’m so happy to see all of my new friends, all 2,232 of them and my play count! I actually have over 20,000 plays now, and for a small town boy like me, that’s a lot by my standards! But please, I’m not perfect. I’m just here to help you with this life thing.

Have I mentioned that life here in England is beautiful? I’ve been sick now for the past two days and it’s gotten the best of me but I’m determined to go on. Wow. I have my iTunes on my Top 25 Played and guess what song comes on? Out of the 2,098 songs I have on my iTunes, “Love Story” by Taylor Swift comes on as my number 4 most played song. Want to know why? Because that’s my girls favorite artist and second favorite song. And yes, I still call her my girl even though she’s not mine because that little 5’3 girl with blonde hair and blue eyes still has my heart…

Live your lives. Please. Go out and see the world. It’s more than the town you’re living in now. And don’t try to conform to your parents lives or even your friends. It’s your life, your chapters, and your book. You hold the pen and the paper that is going to one day outline your life. When you look back, make sure it’s YOUR handwriting you see and not anyone else’s. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. It’s a love story, baby just say yes.

I miss you guys!!!

evan :)

and ps….
There’s a new song on PureVolume
Rainbow Sky

http://www.purevolume.com/100thandmay

dare4distance guys…

Sometimes I don’t have all the answers.

I wonder from day to day how I got here. Like what plans are there honestly for me? Was I to be a doctor and help save lives; was I supposed to be a mailman and deliver news to the people around the world; or was I supposed to write music and help people through that? There’s so many things in my life that I just sit and look at and wonder. “Honestly, why me?” And not ALL the time is that a bad thing. It could be good or bad.

Living in England has posed many questions and honestly, I can’t answer them. Have you ever felt like your heart was pulling in two different directions? Picture this. You’re 18, starting college, and the ONLY thing you see is a new life. New friends, new faces, new places, and new opportunities…but for some reason the “new” isn’t what you thought. You once had everything you could ever imagine and you traded it all for a bag of goodies, you know, those when you were a kid you paid like a dollar for and it had those cheap plastic toys and a couple pieces of candy? Yeah? Well that’s honestly what I did. I had everything in the world and once I saw blue skies up ahead, I jumped ship and went to nothing but more water.

I mean, I didn’t ask for this life. If it weren’t for Chad Sugg, I would have probably never picked up a guitar and started writing cheesy acoustic love songs. I owe a lot of what I do to many people. They’re influences and friends. But I find myself at 11:19 pm writing another pointless blog that probably no one will ever read but then I get an email saying “Evan, I can relate to every word I read” and it makes it all worth it. I know it seems like I post a lot of “emotional” blogs, but I for one, actually live the songs I write. I don’t try to make pretty words rhyme or say something that will make you smile, but they are honestly my life. Songs like “Always and Forever” and “The Unperfect Summer” are actual events that happened in my life. They’re my stories written in song form for you to enjoy. But when you listen to my songs, don’t think of a new MySpace profile song, but honestly think of them as a daily blog with music. They’re my life.

I had my life once. She stood about 5’2 and had blue eyes I swear she stole from the sky. There are a lot of things I wish I could take back. But if anything this journey has taught me, it’s that I’m still a boy. I’m in NO way close to being a man and that’s honestly what I need to become. I’m tired of making up excuses and lies to get my way through. If I’ve made a mistake, LIVE UP TO IT. If I’ve been caught in a lie, LIVE UP TO IT. If I’ve made mistakes, yes, I need to live up to them. It’s about time I became honest with myself. And sometimes, I don’t have all the answers but I’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay to not know everything right now. I mean, if we did, it wouldn’t be “life” right?

The simple should be hard. Life should be a pain and everyone should cry at least once a month. Harsh right? But it makes you you and honestly, that’s what’s beautiful. Live your lives and dance your dances but after the lights go out and all the fun is over, the ones that were there from the start are those who honestly care. No matter how many mistakes you make, the ones who love you are always there. Picking you up when you’re drunk off your feet and you’re slurring your words like crazy. Be a helping hand. Let others know you’re not out there to judge them but merely lending a hand. We’ve got enough violence in the world today, just turn your television on. Be a smile when no one else has one and ask yourself this. “How did we get here?” it’s a funny thought if you really think about it. well, it’s about 11:27 pm and I need to be heading to bed.

I hope in some ways these blogs can be helpful. You’re not alone, and you’ve never been. You just haven’t ever written your thoughts and words down and I promise you, once you do, everything becomes better. Holding things in is a mistake because the only way to get over something is to reach out a hand. You make do it blinded but there’s always a hand on the other side. May be on the other side of the world, but I promise, I won’t let go. I’ll be your friend. I’ll be someone you can talk to. Why? Because I care. I was given a heart of caring and it’s what I do best. I hate overrated musicians who are in it for the fame. Wait. I’m Baptist. I can’t “STAND” overrated musicians. God save the Queen. But I’ll honestly be your friend…I hope you’re having an amazing day and I guess I’ll post more when it’s late at night and can’t sleep!

I love you guys!

evan :)

PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEW SONG NEW SONG!

ALWAYS AND FOREVER
http://www.myspace.com/100thandmay