a thing called love.

(click the link to listen to what i was listening to whilst writing this blog)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27x1sNaSD9s

life.

you know, that's a crazy word. life. i mean, it's something that we go through everyday. we wake up in the morning, and so begins a new day…to be honest with you, i haven't really thought much about "life." where i'll be in the next two years is a mystery to even myself. i can't believe how fast i've grown up. i swear just yesterday i was waking up every morning in the 4th watching Pokemon on the television and the only worries i had was whether i was going to get to go outside to play before my mom got home and checked my report cards. worry. that's another interesting word, as well. it's a word that i know very well. i have two girls that can vouch for that. it's not that i'm "over worried," more along the lines of being scared. i mean, being single and alone just isn't for me. i'm a musician. a writer. a lover. being single just seems so boring and dull. well, that's how i used to think.

i met paige back in 2008. wow. that seems just like yesterday in all reality. i remember the first time i saw her. i was leading worship at a church and she came in, late might i add, and grabbed a chair in the middle aisle. i can see it now. she's got on a pair of jeans and this long sleeved high school t shirt. when she walked in, it was as if everything in the room just stopped. like as if nothing mattered at the time. she sat down and smiled at me, and wouldn't you know it, i forgot the chords to the song and looked like an idiot. then later that night we went to a friends house and made a cake. haha i'm not gonna lie, i did some pretty cheesy things that night to get her to laugh. wanna know the best part? i had just gotten out of a relationship with brielle at the time and she was still with her boyfriend. yep. i was gonna be a homewrecker, in a sense. i knew that day that i had to have her; i just wasn't sure when.

i cannot stress this enough.

she makes me happier than i've ever been in life.

so, now that it's january 11th, 2011, i can honestly tell you i've been with my best friend for a year and some odd weeks. she's taught me a lot these past couple of months. i used to always "worry" about our future. whether we'd be together, or what she was doing. it's crazy to think that this little girl has become my life. she'll be heading off to college in august, and the one thing she keeps repeating is that "if God wants us to be together, we will be…" it's a whole different ball game when you pull the "God" card. but honestly, isn't that why we're here? to love a loving God who first loved us..? i'll be honest. i haven't been the best boyfriend for paige. there's been multiple nights where i've lost my temper and said things i shouldn't have…there's been nights where i've made her cry, and there's been nights when i haven't even called her goodnight. yeah, i'm a jerk right? i'll admit it. there's nothing in the world that i'll agree to than that. i'm not perfect. i don't try to be, but with her, it just comes natural…

i love her. i honestly do. with all of my heart, i love you, paige. i know she'll be reading this because this is becoming her new hobby. speaking of which, it's funny how the things she likes, which were once the things that i hated, i've grown to love. like clark shoes, country music, and a whole bunch of other stuff. she makes fun of my southern accent quite regularly, and i'm goin to start speaking like a northern person soon so she'll have a legit reason to make fun of me because i DO NOT sound southern. well, maybe. but i don't see it. what was i talkin about again? oh yeah! my girlfriend :)

love with her is more than just an emotional tie.

it's life.

you know when you get those butterflies in your stomach when you see someone? well i get like moths. in a cute way. it's as if nothing in the world matters when i'm with her. it's as if God's saying, "hey, have a break from life. i've got the rest situated out…" it's moments when we're lying on the couch and her beautiful head is resting on my chest. sometimes when she's asleep, i lean down to kiss her on the forehead and run my fingers down her face. i can imagine this story has been played out before in history. when people stand before famous paintings, just trying to grasp an inch of memory from what they've just seen. a masterpiece, a work of art created and sculpted by one of the most talented men, or women, of the time. it's that last breath of air you take that you wish would last all night. it's the thought that you're trying to comprehend in your mind. it's love.

i'm nearing the end of my blog. it'll be a moment when i close my mac, and lie on the bed listening to music, looking up at the ceiling, wondering what she's doing. i love her. with all of my heart. i'd give anything to lie beside her at night. it's those cold winter nights when she's holding onto me while we walk outside. it's those warm summer nights when she's holding my hand. it's those times when i feel like i can do anything. she's taught me more than anyone else ever has. it's crazy to think that she loves me. i'm such a screw up, most times; more than often. but yet she loves me the same…i'm a dork. just ask her. i promise you that she'll agree. but i can't help but smile as i write every word of this. knowing that this weekend, i'll get to go fall more in love with the girl i'm writing about. i get to go out to a movie and out to dinner and then come home and bake a cake or cupcakes, whichever she's in the mood for, and just look in her eyes and realize even more what love is. i love her with all of my heart and i wouldn't trade her for the world.

i'd give anything in the world for her to realize

that every waking moment

i fall more and more in love with her

as always,

sayitevan