I HATE being alone... :(

I hate being alone. I honestly do. It’s not like I NEED someone to be with, it’s just that I’d love to have someone to be with. I mean, like waking up in the morning and knowing someone’s out there that cares about you and when they wake up too, they’re thinking about you…it’s those random times when you write cheesy love songs about someone else while knowing that only they’ll get it because it has so many inside jokes in it that people just think made up a good song. It’s having random traditions you do on Friday or Saturday or even Sunday night every week on. I love having someone to talk to every night when I’m honestly about to pass out from the days work. I heard a story from a guy today about how he honestly wouldn’t know what he’d do without his girlfriend and honestly, that’s where a lot of find ourselves. We put soo much of ourselves into someone else, and we end up forgetting about our own selves. I’ve learned that “love” means that you’d do anything for the other person, even if that means you end up alone at the end of the rope. I’m a VERY jealous person. You can ask any girl I’ve dated, and yes, that’s only about 4..or 5…? Maybe? Okay, being serious, it was only 4. But still, I made a promise to each of them and still to this day, I’ve kept my word. I told them I would ALWAYS care about them, no matter what, and I still do. I guess that’s what makes me different.

There’s so many things in my life I honestly wish I could take back. There’s moments that I wish would have never happened but that’s life and you learn from your mistakes. I never understood what it meant to love about a year and a month ago, but over the time, I did. And honestly, it’s the greatest thing in the world. It can turn the worst day to smiles and can even change the clothes you wear! :) but regardless of who it’s with or what it’s for, love is all around. We were made to love and whether we chose to love or not, is our choice. I would hope that we all would love. Love someone and love the One who created you to love Him back…

I honestly hate being alone and being alone in a whole new country is probably the worst but I know I’ve got lots of people who love and care about me. Especially the Uni guys here in England. I’ve never seen such a great group of guys who honestly care…

It’s just nights like these, my past really shows. Over time, I became someone I wasn’t and I honestly strive for that old me every day. I don’t like who I’ve become. I’m not over reacting but at times, I don’t know who I am. And only the honest people will admit that. We all think we have this “life” thing figured out, and we don’t. We honestly don’t and if we did, we’d always smile. Smiles. Wow. There’s some I’d give a million dollars to see right now.

Wherever life takes you, make sure you smile along the way. Love everyone and anyone. See the world if you can. I hate being alone. It’s like the worst ever. I just like knowing I have someone to be with but if this trip has taught me ANYTHING it’s that I need to rely on Christ’s love a whole lot more than some girls. And once I fall into His perfect love, then, will I find another’s love because her love will be hidden as well in Christ’s love. I don’t know where you are, or even WHO you are, but I pray you’ll begin to hide your love in Christ, or pray you already have. I hate being alone but I know with Christ, I have all the love I’ll ever need…

I love you guys!

evan :)