I miss my best friend..

I miss my best friend…
(i've learned that listening to music while reading brings out the "emotion" of each sentence...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6qcPNdg3G8

Throughout one’s life time, friends come and go and new ones are made and old ones are gone. We tend to place ourselves out there, in a sense that we, as humans, want acceptance. Don’t believe me? If you have MySpace/Facebook/Bebo/ or whatever, you use that to meet and talk to other people. Acceptance. And if you don’t have either of those, try texting. I’ve heard it said that the main reason people have text is because at the time that they feel lonely because no one is talking to them, they use text to have someone think about them.

It’s just in our blood to be accepted. And if you DON’T want to, it’s because you do. Ironic right? We put ourselves away so that we can be found. But what does all of this have to do with me missing my best friend? Everything. I know these blogs tend to be centered around one person, and rightly so they are. She taught what it meant to live and to love. I can remember the day we first met and how she just caught me with that smile. (For those of you who don’t know, smiles mean everything to me.) And honestly had one that would brighten up the darkest room. I can remember one night when we were playing at a restaurant called Bops. I remember not caring about all the people that were there and only wanting her. We played for about 10 minutes and she didn’t show up. I was honestly freaking out because her favorite song at the time was The Great Escape by BoyslikeGirls and we were going to play that. Well, 30 minutes later, but well on time, she came. We had already played the song once but I begged the guys to play it again, and we did, and she smiled, and I fell in love with her.

Love is a funny thing sometimes. Do we want “love” to feel accepted or “love” to feel complete? They both sound quite amazing to be and to be honest, I’d like to say we want “love” for both. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I’ve noticed that I’m staying up much later than I have before and also finding myself doing things I’ve hardly ever done. I started writing poetry and honestly, I enjoy doing that more than I like writing songs. It’s just when you write poems, you’re free to do whatever. You’re not set to a time signature or a pitch. It’s just you and your thoughts, along with a sheet of paper and a pen.

I’ve honestly missed my best friend. “Miss” is the word fit to describe what I’ve been going through. I have counted days and months, trying to figure out if I could beat time and turn May into tomorrow. Guys, I can’t sleep, I can’t write, I can’t do a lot of what I used to do. And it’s not that I “want” to feel these things but that it’s just all happening at once. I won’t be there for her prom, along with Winter Semiformal and Valentine’s Day. I’ve given up a lot to be here but I’ve been learning everyday that I need this Strength that I’ve never honestly had to use before. Guys, I miss Brielle more than words can describe, but I’ve come to learn that God has me here for a reason and that reason is to serve. I’m not going to blackmail God and say “well I moved to England to do Your work, so can I have her in return?” No, because that would totallyy ruin every last second I’ve been here. God gives us the desires of our hearts and right now, mines very much NOT in tact.

I’d like to think that when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll be in my bed back home in Mississippi hearing my alarm clock go off and wishing my bed wasn’t facing the window because the sun always sucks when you’re trying to sleep in. I’d like to think that I’ll wake up to “Good morning my Evan! I hope you have a good day today! I love you!” I lived for those messages. Like waking up was ACTUALLY fun because I knew that almost every morning, she would have already woken up and thought about me while she was getting ready. That was just what she did. When I was having a horrible day, I knew I could always talk to Brielle. If life wasn’t going in order, Brielle. It’s just that guys, she was honestly my best friend. And now that I’m 13,000,000 miles away from home, I’m finally realizing what she was to me.
Don’t ever ever ever EVER take for granted those who love you. You may THINK that you would want to be with someone else, but WHY START OVER? They love you just as you are and you’re wanting to be with someone else? Guys, that’s idiot. That’s just NOT smart. And don’t let others say “oh, you’re young, it’s not love.” Yes. Yes IT IS. It’s love and you feel it just as much as anyone else has and you know you’re heart.

I like sharing my Faith with you when you ask. It’s honestly amazing. I like sharing about these blogs and how even though I’m feeling lonely and sad, I can look to God for help and reassurance on why I’m here. I don’t know really what else to say. I know she’ll probably never read this but if you are, I miss you Brielle. More than words can ever describe. I miss the way you’d wait all day for me to get home to just hear my voice before you went to bed. I miss your texts every morning and I miss the way you were just you around me and how you’d smile when I would play you my songs. You know that EVERY song on my MySpace is about you and you know that I’ve only loved one girl in my life. I may be miles away from you, an ocean apart, but my love for you is only closer to me every day. I can’t wait to see you when I get home!

evan :)

Choosing Which Way

Choosing which way

Have there honestly ever been a time when you didn’t know “what” to do? Like it seemed like you had everything planned out, down to the very “t” and then, everything blew up right in front of you? I mean, you tried soo hard for soo long to make something what it is and then in the blink of an eye, or a night, it’s gone. Literally, every single day you spent creating this master piece and within thirty minutes, can totally be destroyed. So what’s the point of this blog? Ha. You’re not alone…
Here’s my story. I met my best friend in the whole wide world on December 5th, 2007. I spent exactly 11 months with her and can honestly look back and say without her, I really don’t know who I’d be today. If you would have seen me about that time, I had MAJOR puffy hair and I always always always wore shirts that were wayy too tight on me and vans and converses everyday. To some people, that’s amazing. But I was just trying to live this life that was “fit” with the music scene.
I gave many countless hours to her. Not only when I was with her but nights on the phone and goodness, I don’t know HOW many texts I sent her. BUT getting back to my point. We broke up on November 13th, 2008. ALMOST made it to a year but dumb butt here had to think he could be with someone else. BIG mistake. It didn’t work. From my previous blog earlier, I talked about the “goody” bag thing. And after I let her go, well, I got my goody bad and it sucked. Like horribly. I found myself crying myself to sleep every night for 3 weeks straight. I couldn’t even click on her Facebook without freaking out about what I could “possibly” see. I mean, would another guy have written on her wall? Had someone already asked her out on a date? And all these thoughts were racing through my mind and I didn’t know HOW to handle it.
Soo long story short, I’m at a fork in the road where I DON’T know what to do. It seems like I’ve got a lot riding in two different ways but I’ve got to believe my better judgment on this. I’m amazed by some of the stories yall are telling me. There’s a girl in MI that asked me about what I didn’t know. And this is it. I DON’T know WHAT to do but I’m learning that I learn a little more everyday.
Maybe it WOULD be best to move on. I mean, I’m a single 19 year old guy that writes cheesy love songs for a living. I’m pretty sure there’s some cutee university girl out there with straight blonde hair, curly when she’s going out, and honestly willing to start over new as well. But you can never leave your first love. They say that the average human falls in love four times in their lives. FOUR times. If I had to go through what I’ve gone through in November FOUR times, I would die. Like literally. I couldn’t. I don’t know WHAT I’d do to be honest. But what’s your opinion? Stay with what I know best or try something different? What’s your input on this? Email me on myspace. Oh yeah! If you guys have topics you want me to write about, please please please email me and I’ll write about each one.
I heart you guys!

evan :)