(play this video to listen to what i was listening to while writing this blog)
wow..has it really been over a year since i've updated this? it's crazy to think where i was this time last year. i was about to move to Starkville and i had all these hopes and ambitions on becoming a better person; a better person with you...it's crazy to think what all can happen in a year. i know i've heard this said a million times but it really doesn't hit home until you actually look back at the past year and see where you were and realize where you are now. isn't that life though..? i mean, we live day to day in this world that tells us to love ourselves and to make the best of what we can be and then when we decide to take the reigns and move, we realize that we need another hand to help with those little moments...like when we were kids and we were just learning to walk for the first time. we reached our little arms up towards our parents, and though we couldn't talk, they knew we were saying "i can't do this without your help." they would smile at us, with love in their eyes, pick us up, and for a few brief moments...
...we were on top of the world.
i remember those nights in england back in 2009. i remember lyin in bed many nights just thinking about you and what you were doing. we had just met a couple of months of months earlier...you remember how we met? i know you do because there's not a day that it doesn't pass across my mind...i can still see it now. i was playing guitar and you just happened to come in late. you walked across the room and i swear, you stole every bit of the light. i can still see where you sat, as well. i can close my eyes and still see. even as i type this, my eyes are closed and i can feel that moment..you sat, facing me, second row from the front, third seat from the right. you were wearing a white long sleeve shirt, put your bangs down in front of your eyes, looked up, pulled your hair back, smiled at me, and in that moment i didn't know where i was, or even who i was for that...i'll never forget that moment. i know in front of all those people i probably seemed like i had officially lost all sense of life, but in that moment...
...you were the only thing on my mind
it amazes me how much time we spent together once i came back home. i fell in love with you; and not just you, but everything about you. i knew that you were the last girl i wanted to kiss, the last girl i wanted to hold, and the last girl i ever wanted to be with...they say the winter holds a soft spot for new love and that winter, i felt the greatest i had ever been in my life. i knew that in your arms, i was amazing. i knew that when you kissed me, i felt like anything was possible. i knew that when you told me you loved me, that i finally meant something to someone...we spent an amazing, almost, three years together. i loved every last second. i loved the fights, the memories, the love, and every last bit of what we had. it was real. it was genuine love that few people in this world ever find and at the age of 19, i had that; and more...there was nothing ever more real than your smile on my chest at night and your eyes when i woke up the next morning. i know what we had was real because i can never forget any last second. the world may say that love comes a couple of times in life but...
...the day i met you was the last time i ever wanted to be in love
a few months have passed since the last time i saw you. the last few weeks were a bit rough but i honestly think that was the strongest in love we'd ever been. i miss the ways that we used to send sweet little messages all the time and would call each other during class just to tell you that i love you...we were so in love together because we were so different. i was the guy with the guitar, and you were the girl with that beautiful smile. i was the guy who wrote you love songs, and you were the girl they were about. i was the guy who sent the long text messages, and you were the girl who held me like i was the last thing on earth. i was the guy who gave all of his heart, and you were the girl who guarded hers...you're right; we were different. i would travel across the world and country for you, as i did, and you were the girl who followed only her own dreams. i made sure that i was always there for you and you were the person who made sure you were keen to be where you belonged...i know why you were guarded; i knew every last thing about you, and that's why i fell so in love with you. i know every last thing about you but...
...now he'll begin to pick up where i left off
this is where i move on
there is where i pick up the pieces
this is where i find myself
this is where i find a new face
this is where i become what i once was
this is where i search for a new face
this is where i love her, just like i did for you
this is where my heart finds a new home
this is where my voice finds a new song
this is where we take different ways
this is where you'll always remember
this is where i'll always remember...
...that this was where we found love
i only ever hope the best for you
i only ever hope that you'll find happiness
i only ever hope that he'll be all you've ever wanted
i only ever hope you grow into the woman you always wanted to be
i only ever hope that that smile never leaves
i only ever hope that you'll find love...
goodbye, my lover
goodbye, my friend
you have been the one for me, Paige..
